Ode to the King Fire (or not)

The following is what happens when you have beer for lunch:


Big fat fire

You’re pissing me off

You’re fucking up trees

And you’re making me cough

You’re closing roads

At this, you scoff.


You’ve burned over 70,000 fucking acres

There is no goddamn rain

You’re fueled by that bitch

Mother Nature:  doles out pain

Take a break, bitch

The forest, great black stain.


Unironically called King

You burn all that lives

Clearing out the cobwebs

Sometimes a king gives

Today, you taketh, and taketh some more

Bullshit directives.


On the positive side

Firefighters get paid

Bright white teeth on TV

People get laid

Fear unites

It’s what Mother Nature made.


It’s a cleansing burn

It brings new life

It’s what the hills need

It’s a convertible for your wife

It’s a new coat of bark

It’s a really sharp knife.


You’ve caused evacuation

You’ve scared people shitless

You’ve done a nice job

The forest is witless

Keep on burning

The news is your witness.

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