New Blog Title!

It seems that perverts have been finding this site (formerly known as Hydraulic Blog Splitter) as a result of confused search terms like the following:  “hydraulic fuck.”  I do not know what this is, nor do I need to.  I of course do not want to continue disappointing people looking for whatever a “hydraulic fuck” is…

The above is reason enough for a new title, but there’s more.

I really hate chrome wheels.  I can’t remember if I’ve had any at the moment; if I did, they came with the vehicle, and were not a result of my personal taste (or lack thereof).  I’ve had some bad taste in vehicles over the years, but that taste never involved chrome wheels.  Wait, I got one:  I had a ’68 Firebird that had fake Cragar SS wheels.  I hated them…

Most cars should never have chrome wheels, but there are some that really, really should not have chrome wheels; some douche who lives near me has a pretty recent model Ferrari with chrome wheels.  Granted, it’s a convertible, which is lame in and of itself, but seeing the chrome wheels really made me want to throw a rock at the thing.

If you’re a creepy old guy with a Corvette (lame), you just might have chrome wheels (really lame).  What this says, after the fact that you’ve announced to everyone that you’re old, hope to nab yourself a 20 year-old at the mall with your combover, and hit sixth gear at 40 miles an hour, is that you’re extremely slow.  This is in a car that can hit 60 faster than I trip over the air in front of me after several glasses of Black Velvet (good shit!).

Yes, that is one of the main points:  Chrome wheels exude slowness, much like a mirror.  They indicate that you should be stopping, not going.  They indicate that you fear your oncoming (or excessively obvious) baldness.  They indicate that you find nothing wrong with  a fake tan, when you live in California, at an elevation of like a foot.  They indicate that you don’t understand the terms engineering, horsepower, torque, lateral g, suspension, grip, or poser.  Focus on that last one, your doucheiness.  The chrome wheels indicate that you get off on the suds at the car wash, not speed, cornering forces, or adrenaline (ideas behind the modern Corvette’s design/equipment).  White wheels would even be an improvement; handily, they might even match the fake white of your teeth…

To cut things off at the pass (like when the 50 year-old bad paint job passes your slow ass on a mountain road, putz), let me introduce the new blog title:  Chrome wheels suck!  Enjoy!

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