Your rotten kids need fear.

Hello Parent,

Please realize that your rotten, screaming kid is a reflection of you.  When your kid cannot manage any sort of reasonable human behavior above the level of a spastic Chihuahua, you are a failure as a parent.  You may even be a failure as a human being; consider the fact that if left in the wild, your snot-dribbling kid would make so much fucking noise that he/she would be the most awesome lunch call for hungry animals ever.  Think of how quickly the buzzards would do away with such a vocal target–this says nothing for the mountain lions…

When I was a kid, kids who screamed and shouted every single syllable that came out of their mouths were a couple of definite things:

1.  Special-ed bound.  This was pitiable, but fixable, and in some ways, clinically acceptable.

2.  In pain, bleeding, or recently crashed to the pavement

3.  In fear of a large, growling dog

If you think your loudmouth kid is cute, you are in fact a moron.  Nobody wants to hear that shit.  Teach your fucking kid how to behave, please!  As a child, I had this brilliant thing called FEAR OF MY PARENT, which tended to keep me quiet–try creating some, as it’s your fucking job!  Useful fear does not come from polite discussion with your child; you will get it from a smack in the head, and a serious look on your face.  Once you think your kid has begun to hate you, you’ve succeeded; this is not hate, but the beginning of respect.

Learn some shit, then teach your fucking kid to shut the hell up!  Thanks!

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