Snooki, I know you didn’t do it!

I got your book at the library, Snooki.  Upon first opening the thing, I had to close it.  Then, I checked the back cover, which contains your book’s blurbs.  They were very non-specific; I got the sense that the organizations that provided the blurbs did so begrudgingly.  Do you know this word?  It’s got nothing to do with spray-tan.  Anyway, I noticed that the book is competently written; you’ve got nice, predictable sentence diversity.  This means that your subject-verb arrangement is not the same with every sentence; as a result, your readers will know that you write in the pattern of an experienced romance novelist.  Oh, were you previously employed as such?  Please, tell us about it.  The pay must have been atrocious then, but look at you now!

So, what percentage of the total contract did the other “you,” the writer, get for “writing” your book?  If only I’d known that by dressing up as a fat leopard I’d get money for “writing” books, I’d have started years ago.  Please, tell me your secrets!

At any rate, let us know when you make the big time, playing yourself in a TV show and such.  Thanks!

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