Come on, people! If we get any dumber from believing the publicist bullshit that is paid for and put into place on Yahoo! and MSN, among other sites each day, we’ll all be running to the dentist instead of watching the Biggest Loser for weightloss motivation. And another thing, yes, you do need steroids to compete as a professional bodybuilder. There is no substitute for the real thing: 100 parts delusion, and ten parts skewed reality. Oh, and one more thing: You need to know the alphabet before you can write a book!
Trust me when I say that you will not get the fat sucked out of your face at the dentist, or leave with a slimmer nose, after getting a few fillings; you will not suddenly gain 30 pounds of muscle if you join the gym, especially after taking vitamins and watching a motivational DVD. You will however get a book contract if you participate on Dancing with the Stars… You don’t even need to be literate!
When the average 20 year-old college student has enough trouble writing a five-page essay on any topic whatsoever, you can rest assured that neither Bristol nor her boyfriend Levi will ever have anything to do with WRITING A BOOK–they and other CELEBRITIES will however continue to be paid millions of dollars for having their stupid faces on the cover, because publishers do not give a fuck about actual writers. Again, please world, say something that’s remotely true, reasonable, or enlightening before I projectile vomit myself to death!
This just in: Thanks to Bristol’s dentist, both her face and her baby’s face will now be able to fit in a picture for her “author” photo on her forthcoming book jacket. The American Dream is still out there!