Yes, you are the guy/girl on the five-inch travel mountain bike riding along in the dirt beside Folsom Lake. Your bouncy bike carries you along so pleasantly, plushly escorting you through minor potholes; your huge hydraulic disc brakes save you from sure disaster on those slight descents, while your 47 gears help you to carefully cruise up each incline with calm and alacrity. You spent a couple grand really well, as you’ll never have to deal with the feel of real dirt under your tires.
I passed you on my brakeless fixed gear, which has 25 millimeter wide bald tires, which double as my suspension (oh, wait: I also have knees, elbows, and ankles). You couldn’t catch me on the singletrack. Please, get some skills, and sell your Cadillac bike to someone in British Columbia.